A friend once asked me how I came to be a neo-shamanic healer. I replied that when I was in my 30's, many of my family members died while my children were being born. I was enjoying the new lives of my children, while grieving the deaths of my family members. Experiencing life and death in this way impacted me to the core.
She then asked, “How did you survive the grief?”
I didn’t hesitate for a moment and replied, “I’ve always been an Optimist. For me, my cup has always been 1/2 full, even in the darkest days I knew it would get better.”
When I work with my clients through 1:1 Immersion sessions, I can easily tell who has the attitude of an Optimist, and who doesn't. I don't say this as judgement, but as an observation.
My Optimistic clients move through their grief, childhood trauma, core wounds, and other negative patterns faster than others. This isn't to say that they don’t feel pain (because they definitely do). But there is a part of them, however small, that knows better days will come.
So, I started to reflect on what it means to be an OPTIMIST. What are the traits of an Optimist? How can some people pull themselves out of their trauma, while others are consumed by it?
7 traits of an Optimist
1. Gratitude—No matter how rough life gets, Optimists are grateful for their life and their loved ones. They are grateful that they had loving relationships and see the beauty in that love. I know this to be true because I've felt it.
My sister Leslie died of cancer when she was 25. I am so so grateful that I was blessed with a sister. Leslie was an amazing young woman. We were very close and shared everything with each other.
When she was diagnosed she told me that no matter what, she was going to be OK. She then added, “Robbie, all I need is your love.” She lived for another 2 years and in that time, we shared precious moments with each other. It was the simple things in life that we shared. We sat by the ocean and watched the waves hit the shore. Leslie would tickle my son, who was 1 at the time (he loved that).
We talked deeply about life after death and what we believed would happen. We also discussed how she would communicate with me after she died. We had a beautiful, loving relationship. And although she only lived 25 years, she impacted my life and continues to do so today.
She taught me about love. And as her health declined, she taught me about gratitude. Gratitude can move mountains.
2. Resiliency—Optimists know that it will get better and believe it. They are able to stay in the pain because they know that it will lessen. They know they have to go through the pain. And no matter how hard, it will bring rewards.
Even in the depths of my despair, I knew that it would get better. I held this belief very closely. I remember having a difficult day and was feeling very alone. I went into my closet and sat down and started to cry — actually, I started sobbing.
I was angry at God. I couldn't cope with losing my sister, mom, and auntie. I felt that they had abandoned me. As I sat sobbing, I heard my sister’s voice...
“Don’t cry. We are here with you now, just in a different way. We will never leave you.”
I felt this love pour over me and I knew in that moment, that they were with me. I could call on them at any time. In that moment, I knew that everything was going to get better. It was on this day that I took a huge step in my healing.
3. Adaptability—Optimists have a I’m not giving up attitude. If the path they're on isn’t working, they switch gears and try something different. Yes, yes, YES! I had lots of tough days where I didn’t want to get out of bed. I felt very sorry for myself.
I always allowed myself to feel what I was feeling. I knew that it was important to let my emotions flow and not stuff them down. The feelings would pass and I always felt better after.
Some days walking in the woods made me feel better because I felt connected and grounded to the earth. Other days, I was guided to practice yoga and move my body. If something wasn’t working and I felt worse I would check in and see how I could shift it. I tapped into my intuition and allowed it to guide me.
4. Proactive—Optimists often do thing that are preventative such as exercise and nutritious eating. They go for walks, take meditation classes, or try holistic natural remedies to see which ones help them.
The biggest gift I received from the deaths of my loved ones is that health is essential and the foundation of well-being. When it comes to health, it’s all about prevention. I learned this because of all the time I spent in hospitals watching the doctors, the hospital staff, and my loved ones.
I knew that my health was my responsibility. I needed to figure out how I was going to care for myself and my children. I chose a holistic lifestyle. I learned how to use natural remedies such as herbs and essential oils for healing. And the more I incorporated them into my life, the happier and more balanced I became.
I took responsibility for my own health. I knew that if I wanted to live a healthy and happy life, it was up to me.
5. Forgiveness—Optimists don’t hold onto grudges. They can see another’s point of view and may look at other causes of the hurtful behaviour. By having a compassionate, bigger-picture view that can forgive quicker.
When I was separated from my husband and going through a divorce — it was a challenging and painful time. I was grieving the loss of our marriage and felt relief, anger, and sadness. I let myself feel what I was feeling so the emotion could move through me.
I knew that in order to heal, I would need to forgive him — but more importantly, forgive myself. I learned the Ho’onopono (Hawaiian forgiveness prayer) and would repeat it throughout the day and before I went to sleep. I recommend it to all my client and anyone having difficulty forgiving.
To learn about the Ho’onopono go to my blog called How to Heal Through Forgiveness.
6. Don't Obsess—Optimists don’t dwell on negative situations and aren’t as likely to have obsessive, looping thoughts. It's not to say that they never have looping thoughts or negative thoughts, but they don’t linger and get stuck in them.
Personally, I tend to forget past hurts and negative situations. I find peace with what has happened. I am not sure why, but I can't go back in my life and relive a painful experience. I used to wonder why I couldn’t remember every detail. Was it because I was blocking it?
No. It's because I try cultivate self-awareness and notice my thoughts. I observe what I am thinking and let it go. I know that if I am triggered, it is my responsibilty to deal with it... and I do.
7. Good Sleeps—Optimists are less likely to worry and don't lie awake all night tossing and turning or staring at the ceiling. I encourage people to keep a journal beside their bed to help them get the thoughts out of their mind onto paper. Once things are written down, the mind clears and quiets.
When my kids were babies, I knew that I needed my sleep and that I had to teach them to be good sleepers too. I regularly sleep 8 hours a night and when I have a lot going on in my life or are experiencing stress, I will write what is going on in my journal. I also set my intention before I go to sleep to work through whatever is bothering me in my sleep — and it works.
As I was writing this blog and going through the 7 traits of an optimist, I realized that I embody each trait. I've been able to stay optimistic even in the darkest days.
And guess what, you have these traits too! It’s a matter of tapping into yourself, trusting your intuition, and believing that better days will come.
Through my personal journey, I have found a road to deep healing using holistic modalities including Neo-shamanism, plant remedies, energetic protocols, codes and meditation. I teach others the same tools and strategies so they can establish, and maintain, healthy boundaries. I offer 1:1 sessions where together, we work through unhealed core wounds, often developed during childhood, and energetically clear them. Clearing mental and emotional blockages provides a pathway to healing, inner wisdom, and life transformation. Work with me and take your life to the next level! Feel free to connect with me here for a Discovery Session.